Peace and Quiet Now Can Become Distance and Silence Later

The delightful moments of quiet provided by screen time when children are young could sow deadening years of silence when they're older.

Several weeks ago, I commented that the cell phone you give your toddler today to make your trip to the grocery easier will make your trip through adolescence and the teen years harder. I made the comment after watching a toddler zone in on her mother’s cell phone as she sat in the grocery cart rather than looking around at her surroundings and interacting with her mother. This past week, I witnessed firsthand the very real consequences of this parenting decision.

There is a multitude of Bible verses and children’s stories that illustrate and warn of the concept of reaping what you sow. Parents use it to teach their children about sowing kindness to build friendships. Teachers use the idea with their students when teaching them good study habits. Faith leaders may preach it to their congregations to encourage them to share their faith through acts of kindness and love. The premise is a reminder that the decisions we make today will have consequences in the future. Allowing children access to cell phones and other devices is no exception to this rule. The problem is that by the time parents realize all the issues accompanying easy access to screens, habits have been formed, norms have been established, and walls have been put up between children and the outside world.

I was privileged to raise my four children before cell phones were omnipresent. I say privileged because parenting has enough opportunities to deny temporary happiness to your children without the task of guarding them against the temptation of mind-numbing entertainment. One vital responsibility is telling your children “no” when saying “yes” to them is easier. I am thankful that, for most of my parenting years, I didn’t have to add cell phones to the list of battles. 

Although we didn’t have to deal with cell phones on the level of parents today, we did have to navigate screen time through television and video games and determine boundaries for each. My children would tell you we were pretty strict about protecting family time, meal times, and time to play outside. They may not have been happy then, but they will tell you today that they are grateful we stood our ground. Now that they are all young adults, we are reaping the seeds we sowed when they were little. They are all adamant that their (future) children will be even more restricted than they were. 

Earlier, I mentioned that I witnessed firsthand the consequences of unfettered access to cell phones. It was such a heartbreaking incident that it haunted me for days. Our family was at a local Irish restaurant with music, dancing, and great food. It was very crowded, so we shared a table with other groups we didn’t know. One was a mother and daughter. As usual, our family talked, laughed, and chatted with each other and another group at the table throughout the evening. The mother and daughter rarely spoke to each other, let alone to anyone else. The daughter, who was in her early twenties, spent the entire time on her phone. This went on for over three hours. Toward the end of the evening, the mother asked if she could take a picture of our family. She went on about how happy we were and marveled at the fun we had together. She thought it was special.

I should have been flattered, but I was mostly heartbroken. We are not special or perfect, but we are intentional about being together and cherishing the time. I could tell this mother was missing and wanting that but didn’t know how to get it (or get it back). As I looked around, I saw young children on phones as their parents talked and laughed, and I wondered how long it would be until they were in the same situation as this mother. 

In many ways, I don’t envy parents of young children today. I know all too well how exhausting parenting can be and how tempting it can be to offer a distraction just for a few minutes of peace. This isn’t a criticism of parents as much as it is a warning and encouragement for them to stay the course if they restrict screen time. If you are exhausted, sleep-deprived, or stressed, put your child in a stroller and walk and talk to your toddler. He’ll cheer you up, and the fresh air will do you good. Lay on the floor and “rest your eyes” while your preschooler works a puzzle. She’ll probably giggle if you start to snore, but that’s okay. Let your budding reader read to you while you decompress from the day. Every reading session doesn’t have to be a phonics or comprehension lesson. Sometimes it’s just an excuse to snuggle and rest. 

Parents reap what they sow in their children. Sow in them a desire to spend time with you, an ability to entertain themselves without a screen, and the art of conversing with others. Sow in them the gift of “unplugging” from the virtual world on their phone and engaging in the incredible, real world around them.