I'm Thankful My Mother Grounded Me

Why being grounded gave me a solid foundation.

“You’re grounded!” was an oft-repeated phrase I heard during my teenage years. In those days, being confined to your bedroom alone was a punishment rather than a typical Tuesday evening. Even though I was a rather shy and docile child, I went through a period where I seemed bent on self-destruction and rebellion. My incredibly strong and firm mother was determined to get me safely through this season with as few regrets as possible. So, she grounded me. Repeatedly.

While I did not appreciate the discipline of being grounded I received at the time, I can now look back with gratitude for it. I can also reflect on the fact that my mother “grounded me” in other ways as well. These were not in response to my behavior but to create a strong foundation for me as I grew up. There were certain non-negotiables for us as a family and certain events we could depend on no matter what. To a child, knowing what to expect is invaluable. It’s grounding.

So what did being grounded look like in daily life? It looked like a family dinner every night. Some nights it was a sumptuous roast with potatoes and carrots, and some nights it was grilled cheese and canned tomato soup. What was on the table was less important than who was around the table. And, if someone had to miss dinner for work, practice, or other obligations, a plate was made and set aside for him. Being grounded also looked like going to church as a family every Sunday morning and coming home to a big breakfast around the aforementioned table. 

During the summers, being grounded looked like visiting my grandparent's home in Ohio for two weeks. My dad was the oldest of eight. Sadly, he lost his battle with cancer before his thirty-first birthday. My mother and his big loving family made sure my three siblings and I understood who he was, what his life was like, and how much he loved us. 

I can still smell the vintage aroma of the old expansive house on Bronson Place that became our playground for a couple of blissful weeks. With an attic packed full of childhood memorabilia that belonged to my dad, aunts, and uncles as well as various nooks and crannies to play hide-and-seek in, we were in heaven. When we grew tired of exploring the hallways and “secret passageways” we would help our grandmother in the garden or kitchen or entertain our grandfather in the garage while he worked on “the old Datsun”. 

Usually, while we were visiting my grandparents in the summer, we would spend a  day on my great-grandparents’ farm gathering eggs, pumping water from the well, and snuggling with kittens. Sometimes we were fortunate enough to be in town during the big family reunions. Since we lived out of town, we did not know many of our relatives that attended. Most knew us though. We were “Larry’s kids” and they were thrilled to see us every time. 

My mother could not give us the physical presence of our father as a way of grounding us, but she could ensure a strong bond with those who knew him best and loved us because we were his children. She could give us a connection to a family and history outside of our home that helped us realize we were a part of something bigger.

Much about life is different today than when I was growing up, and the challenges of parenting are sometimes unique. One universal challenge that remains is ensuring children today are grounded in the things that matter. I have taken some of the same lessons I learned from being grounded by my mother and applied them in our home as my husband and I have raised our four children. I may not serve the same meals or worship in the same tradition, but our kitchen table is a regular gathering place for friends, family, and fellowship, and Sunday mornings still mean attending church services together.

My children have been very fortunate to have their grandparents within just a few miles of them throughout their childhoods and I made sure they did not take that for granted. They may not have had secret passageways to explore, but time at their grandparents’ house was no less magical for them. I was especially grateful when they would be “forced” to sit and listen to stories of what life was like when they growing up. Being grounded in the past enables them to appreciate the present and have hope for the future.

It could be that this time of year stirs up feelings of nostalgia for my childhood or it could be that age and experience have made me more reflective and grateful. Whatever the reason, I have learned to appreciate being grounded and I have also gained the wisdom of knowing the importance of grounding my children so they have a firm foundation as they grow into adults with families of their own. In a culture that tends to frown on strict discipline and punishment, I cannot encourage parents enough to utilize the practice of grounding every day.