Choosing Gratitude Changes You
Another essay on gratitude because it's that important
Throughout history, especially during the holiday season, many essays have been written about gratitude. It is likely only second to love as a popular topic of reflection. There is good reason, and I hope you will humor me as I add to the “gratitude essays” collection. Like love, gratitude changes the perspective of life. When you are in love, colors seem more vibrant, music sounds more melodious, and your thoughts tend to linger on things of beauty and loveliness. Couples married for many decades will often tell you that they are more in love today than they were on the day of their wedding. Being in love often leads you to love with your whole being. It changes you.
The same is true for gratitude. When you decide (and it is a conscious choice) to view life through the lens of gratitude, like being in love, your world takes on a new vibrancy. Rather than looking around you and noticing all the things you don’t possess, you give thanks for every little thing you have earned or been given. Instead of seething with jealousy over what others have, you genuinely celebrate their good fortune and wish them continued success in the future. In other words, rather than seeing every situation in life as a “glass half empty” or “glass half full” moment, you see them as opportunities to be thankful for the glass and whatever it contains at the moment.
Schools today spend billions of dollars on Social Emotional Learning (SEL) programs designed to “build relationship skills, manage emotions, and show empathy”, among other things. According to several studies, the education system could save a lot of time and money if it simply cultivated a sense of gratitude in students. An article in Harvard Health states, “With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives. In the process, people usually recognize that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside themselves. As a result, being grateful also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals — whether to other people, nature, or a higher power.” Since feelings of disconnectedness and isolation are overwhelming problems among students today, it seems appropriate to encourage and promote gratitude as a viable solution.
While the researchers admit that it is challenging to draw a direct connection between expressing gratitude and personal happiness, “most of the studies published on this topic support an association between gratitude and an individual's well-being.” Not surprisingly, when gratitude is shown toward individuals, it also has an impact on the recipient’s contentment and overall disposition as well.
Most of the SEL programs used in schools have a strong emphasis on self-reflection and feelings. Rather than cultivating gratitude, those tend to cultivate an attitude of narcissism and entitlement. They direct students to think a lot about what has “been done to them” rather than what has been “done for them”. Things like “morning check-ins” place the focus on themselves rather than others. While a certain amount of self-reflection is healthy in the proper setting, spending so much time daily focusing on themselves and their feelings (which are always fluctuating) limits students’ ability to see others through a lens of humble gratitude. In the wise words of C.S. Lewis, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.” Imagine how different the day would begin if the “morning meeting” was focused on giving gratitude for something or someone who made a positive difference in the past 24 hours rather than reflecting on the negatives of what someone did to you or something that happened to you.
Ask anyone who has decided to view the world through a lens of gratitude and, like the couples celebrating decades of marriage, they will likely tell you they grow more grateful every day for the things and people in their lives. Choosing to be grateful makes you full of gratitude. It changes you for the better, which is something to be grateful for.