A Day That Ends With Dirty Bathwater Is A Good Day

Don't let virtual reality rob children of the magic of childhood.

When my four children were little, I often joked that I gauged the day's success based on how dirty the bath water was. The dirt in the tub was a reminder of the fort they’d built out of sticks and mud, the puddles they jumped in to see who could make the biggest splash, the wrestling matches held in the grass, or the critters they caught in the creek. I considered those days successful because they embodied what childhood means to me. Days spent exploring, touching, smelling, seeing, and hearing the wonders of the world around them were magical and essential.  These days did not seem particularly special at the time, but as I observe the state of childhood today, I consider them a treasure.

I had the gift of raising my children before the influx of “virtual everything,” and I am thankful daily for that gift. They often comment on how fortunate they were to grow up before technology took over society. They didn’t virtually build houses and communities on devices; they made them in reality. They moved furniture, hauled out every blanket and pillow they could find, and constructed impressive forts that took up entire rooms. They did the same thing on a smaller scale with Lincoln Logs, Legos, and wooden blocks. These wonderfully constructive days for my children usually meant a messier house and more laundry for me, but I saw that as a worthwhile trade-off.

A fascinating thing happened each time one of these projects got underway. Each child was implicitly assigned a role. One was always the assertive “boss” who directed everyone else. One brought creativity to the project and gave the boss grief. Another was the “structural engineer,” who would observe and diagnose problems as he saw them. And finally, there was the “gopher” because every building project needed more materials. No adult assigned these roles to them, nor were they taught that ascribing such functions leads to projects running more smoothly. This was a system they figured out on their own through trial and error. Things did not always run like a well-oiled machine, but those tense times were productive in their own way as well.

I wholeheartedly believe in reading fairy tales to children, in reading stories that transport young imaginations to mythical lands where heroes overcome significant obstacles and defeat villains. Playing make-believe is healthy and good for young people of all ages. Creating or reading about a reality that only exists in a world of imagination is very different than allowing children to squander their childhood on screens immersed in virtual reality. 

For most of us, aromas, sounds, foods, or places likely take us back to special times in our childhood. Life is meant to be a sensory experience. It is what helps us create and retain memories. What will children recall if all they know is a sterile environment void of those things that leave an imprint on their senses? Will they remember the virtual buildings and communities they created? Will they recall the virtual “friends” who were in their chats? Will they understand how vast, fascinating, and beautiful the real world is? Will they courageously persevere when faced with significant obstacles in the real world because they faced and conquered small hurdles in that same world as children? These are questions we are learning answers to as this generation, steeped in virtual reality, comes of age and begins to navigate adolescence and adulthood.

Technology has its place in our world today and allows us to learn about people, places, and experiences we would otherwise not have access to. The key is keeping it in its place and not allowing it to take the place of real life, especially in childhood. My children are grown now and will hopefully be blessed with their own children someday. If they ask me for one piece of parenting advice, I will remind them how much fun those days were when their bathwater was dirty and encourage them to ensure their children have days that end with dirty bathwater too.